I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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