You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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