Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
