I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
