I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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