I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize