This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
