i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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