I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
