its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He better not be in your backpack
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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