dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
