she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You smell like stripper and shame
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize