You can't motorboat a personality
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it's like iHOP with fire
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
