we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
