Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
