i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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