how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
