Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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