i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
