And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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