And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
