I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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