this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize