where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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