this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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