who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
