I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
