His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
