There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
