Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
