it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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