Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
