allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
