Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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