I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize