Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
