you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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