dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Terrible idea I love it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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