she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
