My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
