i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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