she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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