ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
