you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
