I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
