um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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