Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
