just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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