so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
