You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
