my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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