Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
