Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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