Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize