i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
handjob tips. give me some.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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