no, he came in my armpit
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
