Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
