Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
