How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
