I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
