Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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