What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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