i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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