Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
