I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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