he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
