i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
