just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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