i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
