After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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