I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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