Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
