So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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