I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
