this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
