She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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