I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize