If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
