Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Watching her eat just hurts me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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