You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
